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In a Fog

January 22, 2007

Chers Amis,

Do you ever feel like you are walking through a fog, a transparent force field, a dream state that muddles your thinking?  I do and the culprit is insomnia.  Today was one of those days because last night was one of those nights. I missed the train.   Sleep is elusive, like a silent train that pulls into the station, picks up lucky, yawning passengers and disappears into the darkness.  If I "miss the train" I have to wait until the next one arrives – and it usually takes 2-4 hours.  I never used to have problems sleeping, but after Scarlett was born my insomnia arrived full force for 18 months and stayed until I went to a sleep specialist.  He said that certain events – like the birth of a child – can trigger problems and your brain has to be retrained to fall asleep.  That was 8 years ago and for the most part, it is much, much better and less frequent.  Maybe 1x/week instead of 3-5 and most of the time the next sleep train pulls into the station in an hour or so.  But last night it was after 2 AM and I had already tried taking  Tylenol PM which usually does the trick.  Instead my heart was racing as I lay in the dark on our couch.

  My doctor had a few suggestions, if you can not fall asleep after 15 min, change location ( have spent so many  half nights on our couch!), DO NOT watch TV or use the computer, it is best to just lay in the dark and listen to your breathing or take a mental walk around a very familiar spot such as from your front door to the mailbox and back. I usually try to pray, but I am so tired I can’t keep track of my thoughts and too awake to be asleep.  Frustration!  I have found that I can not do any stimulating crafting/sewing/scrapbooking at night or the train will whiz past me.  It drives me crazy.  All day I dream of working on the computer, of writing one of the 9 or so posts I have started or written mentally, of puzzling out the state of my current quilting project, or making plans for tomorrow’s school, but that is verboten.  Most nights I  am too tired and when I am not, I know what the result will be if I "break the rule."  A white night.

Today was like sludging through mud, until a late afternoon nap. It may or may not have been a good idea. Only time will tell.  If only I could get a hold of a pre-printed horaire for the train it would be a lot easier to play my journey.  Until then, I have accept the terms of my love-hate relationship with the couch and try to appreciate the beauty of the fog when it blows in – and take more naps!

— Marjorie

PS -"Train Station in Fog" photo from "Josef" at

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 22, 2007 8:15 pm

    I’m so sorry Marjorie! Your problem sounds more intense than mine, but I do find myself checking the clock every half hour or so, restless for morning. I pray you have a restful night – thanks for your encouragement today!

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